ot5; !bandfic; crack; pg-13; 1265+ words
In which Jonghyun gets drunk, SNSD has to babysit and his other members don't really want anything to do with it
when shinee gets drunk
a tale from beyond the pub; jonghyun’s story
Hyoyeon steps out of the bathroom with one towel wrapped tightly around her bust and another in a bundle on her head. She drips water from her wet hair to the floor and Taeyeon looks perfectly horrified at the scene.
"What did I tell you about coming out of the shower wet," Taeyeon shrieks. "And naked?"
Taeyeon buries her face in her hands and then unplugs her earphones while Hyoyeon, who has conveniently ignored every word her leader had just said, looks around the dorm suspiciously.
"I think our neighbour’s cat is dying." Hyoyeon finally says.
Taeyeon throws her an are-you-kidding-me look but in the silence held in that moment, a loud but strained noise is heard bouncing off the walls of the room.
"Good Lord, what was that?" Taeyeon asks in a violent yell and Hyoyeon shrugs while shaking her head. Hyoyeon returns to the bathroom to change shortly after silence is maintained.
But about two minutes after leaving the bathroom, the crying noises come again, freaking both girls out to the point they think waking Sooyoung up is a viable option. Of course, it is a well-known rule that Sooyoung should never be woken up unless the world was coming to an end, and even then, the members had to think twice about waking her. However, at the rate the weird, strained cries were coming, they found themselves with little choice.
"Alright, so when I count to three, you go over and shake her," Taeyeon whispers to an equally timid Hyoyeon. "Got it?"
"What do mean I go shake her?" Hyoyeon protests in a hush whisper.
They argue like that until Sooyoung turns on her side with her eyelids fluttering open. Unfortunately, the awakening-beauty-from-her-slumber moment lasts for half a second and when she's standing up off her bed in full glory, the two others cower under her presence.
"What, exactly," Sooyoung breathes. "Is so incredibly important that I have to be woken up?"
Fortunately for the two cowering members, the strange cry resounds through the house again, leaving their explanation pretty much self-explained. Sooyoung's response is fairly satisfactory as her eyes widen in surprise and her mouth falls slightly open.
"Is the neighbour's cat dying?" she asks, completely forgetting the sin the two had committed by waking her up.
The dying cat turns out to be lying in a foetal position outside their doorstep, not crying death cries but singing 'Girls' by Wheesung and with the name Jonghyun.
"Oh yuck, he reeks liquor!" Sooyoung whines, scrunching her nose up.
The girls take turns looking through the peephole at the mess Jonghyun was before Taeyeon decides firmly that having a drunk boy outside their dorm was downright unacceptable. She turns to make a grab at the dorm phone while the other girls continue giggling at Jonghyun through the small hole in the door.
"GEEEEEEEEEEEEERLS," Jonghyun screeches. "GERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLS!"
He rolls around on the floor for a bit and hiccups a couple of times, which Sooyoung and Hyoyeon find extremely funny.
Taeyeon, on the other hand, was busy trying to reach any of SHINee's members. Sadly, none of them picked their phones up except for Taemin.
"Taemin, I have a drunk Jonghyun on my doorstep. I need him removed, please."
"But noona, you can't expect me to get him! Hyung'll just body slam me and go back to doing whatever he was doing before!"
Taeyeon already knew it was a futile phone call before Taemin even picked up, so she doesn't bother arguing with him. Instead she makes him promise to ask any of his hyungs to call her back as soon as possible if he saw them anywhere. Taemin gladly promises and hangs up a little too quickly for Taeyeon's liking.
By some insane chance, Jessica returns early from her musical rehearsal and finds Jonghyun rolling on the doormat. He takes one glance at her and breaks into a wide, longing smile.
"Kryzzzzzztaaaaaaaal, wad are you doin' hurr?"
Jessica raises her eyebrows and shows him a look of pure disgust before stepping over him. Hyoyeon opens the door for her and Jonghyun gasps dramatically upon seeing Hyoyeon. He cups a hand over his mouth while they look at him quizzically.
He ends up laughing like a lunatic, so Jessica slams the door in his face.
"What is that doing outside the dorm?" Jessica frowns.
Sooyoung offers her an apologetic smile and shrugs.
They decide to carry Jonghyun into the dorm, where he passes out on their couch, to everyone's relief. Jonghyun un-drunk was already so much to handle, who could imagine what Jonghyun drunk could be capable of?
Finally, finally, the dorm phone rings and all four girls jump at it, praying it was Key or Minho or even Onew.
“Hello?” Taeyeon asks cautiously into the phone.
“Noona? How’s Jonghyun hyung holding up?”
Taeyeon breaks into a wide, wide smile and mouths ‘Minho’ to the other girls, who collapse onto the couch in relief.
“He passed out on the sofa but I really need you to come get him now, I can’t afford to have him wake up and wreck havoc in my house.”
“It’s going to take me about an hour though, I’m not in Seoul right now!”
She sighs but eventually agrees to wait the hour.
Surprisingly, Jonghyun turns out to be a really deep sleeper, which the girls concluded unanimously after Jessica got bored and drew all over his face with a black marker for fifteen minutes straight without him moving at all. Sooyoung also tried her hand at painting his nails forty minutes into waiting for Minho to arrive.
By the time the doorbell finally rings, Jonghyun looks like a piece of art to be thrown away. Hyoyeon gets the door and apologises with a giggle to a hurried looking Minho before letting him in.
Minho greets all of them politely and then apologises on behalf of the rest of the members. However, when he sees Jonghyun (or is it really Jonghyun hyung?) on the couch sleeping in an obscenely widespread position with new facial hair and rainbow coloured nails, he bursts out laughing.
“If only Key hyung were here,” he laughs, swiping a tear from the corner of his eye.
Unfortunately, amidst the roaring laughter and Jessica’s eagerness to explain how she drew her masterpiece, Jonghyun wakes up. He rubs his eyes a couple of times and looks around groggily.
“Wha –“ he begins, evidently less wasted than he was before.
Minho chokes on his on saliva while laughing at his half-awake, ‘beautified’ hyung looking confused at his self-caused situation.
“Hyung, I think it’s time we went home,” Minho says between his laughs.
He picks Jonghyun up and swings his arm over his shoulder, thanking his noonas before leaving. Hyoyeon helps them out the door while the rest wave from behind her.
Upon reaching the basement carpark, Minho tosses Jonghyun into the van, gets in and shuts the door.
Jonghyun suddenly gets up off his seat and looks straight into the rear-view mirror. He lets out an unbelievably girly scream and points to his face in horror, only to realise that the horror was on his nails as well. Minho collapses into another fit of laughter while Jonghyun scours the van for wet tissues with constant groans escaping his mouth.
“What the fuck man, remind me never to get drunk near SNSD’s dorm ever again,” he cries while rubbing frantically at the black ink moustache Jessica had carefully drawn on.
Minho just smiles and makes a mental note to remind the rest to leave Jonghyun drunk outside their dorm more often.
seems like I'm posting too frequently lol
ok another stupid piece by yours truly, once again, sorry for my lack of humour idk ;-;
enjoy! comments are always appreciated ♥